I haven’t written in a really long time.
Even if I tried to play it off, I was broken beyond my own repair when summer started. I wrote a letter to God every single night for the first couple of weeks and by His power alone I survived a time I wasn’t sure I would. Immediately after I started feeling a little better, I knew rereading my letters would make me slip back to where I was. Today though, I know I am strong enough to revisit the emotions I had just a couple of months ago.
It’s interesting, how when we are in a rough place, we beg God to get us through each day. I literally asked God to help me get through each hour. I asked him to just make every day a little more bearable than the next. And He did. I think this is such a good stance to take in life, whether you’re insanely happy or just the opposite. Asking God to get me through just the next day and not an entire chunk of time made God’s little miracles so much more clear to me. Now, when my prayers have more longevity, it’s harder for me to notice His works in my life (NOT of course because he isn’t working, but because I lack noticing skills). I pray that I retake the humble stance of letting God show me His daily miracles in just my basic living.
Rereading my old letters to God, I am astonished at His healing abilities. I’m not saying I’m no longer broken, because I mean, who isn’t? But clinging so tightly to Him can get anyone through anything. I pray that I can always stick that tightly to God, in the midst of chaos or peace. I learned so much about myself and God by rereading what I said to Him and looking at the evidence of how He responded in my life.
And now, I am not perfectly healed. Parts of what I read still sting and are an excellent reminder of what still needs fervent prayer. But knowing where I was helps me realign where I should be going and serves as a reminder to thank God for His abundant grace: something I never deserve but always receive.