today was a day just like any other..

I played soccer for a year and a half on a knee far from healed.  Then I babied my knee for a few years after that.  I was so afraid of something actually debilitating happening, like losing my ability to walk, that I would stop any physical exercise at the slightest hint of pain.  Although without exercise, the pain still came.

But I’m tired of sacrificing fitness of the athletic drive within me for pain.  So, doing Insanity, I stopped caring if it hurt.  And it hadn’t really.  But sometimes, like yesterday, with pain that inhibits even my ability to concentrate on people speaking, I wonder how far am I supposed to push myself.  Is it safe to tolerate pain?  Is it worth it?  How much pain is just something associated with my condition, and where is the point that physical activity is literally becoming unsafe?

That’s what you called me. Your darling heart, to be specific. I honestly have zero idea what that means. But that phrase sounds so precious, in the pure essence of what precious means. I was once precious to you in a way I don’t even understand. It was so intimate, not in a sexual weird way, but in a two-hearts-overlapping-way. I don’t get it, I don’t get you.

But I want to.

(Source: spiritualinspiration, via findingnimah)

but seriously. 

ahhh spring sing 

(via cminor7)

Sometimes I feel like I’m your mom watching you.  Gosh that sounds a little creepy, but honestly I just want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you.  You’ve faced so much temptation in life and everything and everyone was pushing you toward conformity and yet you stay strong.  You have such a caring heart and even if you make mistakes, that beautiful personality of yours shines through.  It’s honestly such a joy to watch you grow up.  When we were closer, I might have seen more of your flaws, but now that I am more at a distance I find such pleasure in seeing you become who you are supposed to be. I just want you to know that through thick and thin, I’ll always enjoy being your prayer warrior and watching you develop into the Godly person you are well on your way to becoming.  I love you always.

I love tumblr.  I think it’s a unique way of self-expression, and to be honest I’m pretty addicted.  However, in the past few months, I’ve struggled with my use of it and what I see here.  It breaks my heart sometimes reading how many girls seem so devastatingly heartbroken on tumblr, and yet I am not surprised.  Those same blogs that talk about heartbreak, loneliness, and lack of self-worth are also posting pictures with idyllic and unrealistic quotes about love, girls who are so photoshopped that nothing about them is genuine, and clothes and makeup and hair that are seemingly perfect and yet all unattainable.  By doing this, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.  I have struggled with these too, often longing for the images and ideas that tumblr puts in my head.  But after struggling myself recently with self-esteem, self-worth, and physical appearance, I have realized that these ideas are unrealistic and viewing them is clouting my expectations of happiness, success, beauty, and love.  I want to find fulfillment first and foremost in Jesus, and through Him in genuine friendship, natural beauty, and love that is in His timing and way.  Although I’ll struggle time and time again, this is my goal.

So, I’ve unfollowed a lot of people who have blogs that post pictures or ideas that tempt me into a false sense of reality.  I struggled so much with this as I think I followed a lot of quality blogs that I had a hard time pressing the unfollow button.  So I want you to know, that if that was you, it was honestly nothing against you, but rather a step in the direction of healing for myself.  I want to uphold my own end of the deal by stopping posting things that make my followers have unrealistic views of reality.  My hope is that we can all learn to appreciate more what we have and look towards realistic goals for self-improvement, love, and healing.  I value tumblr’s way of promoting self-expression, and I knew I couldn’t give it up completely, so here’s my best effort.

Sarah Dessen

princessickness:

karenamadof:

&ILOVEYOUTOO<3

SPREAD THE DAMN WORD

(via cminor7)